you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
