So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
