He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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