I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
