Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
