Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
