Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
