need another drink. this is the easiest way
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
