i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
