I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
