I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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