I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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