Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My bed smells like the plague
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
