I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
