This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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