fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
