What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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