Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
