I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
