new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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