So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
