Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
