READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
