I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wanna go halves on a baby?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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