i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
