I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
