Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
