time to smoke my breakfast
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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