Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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