So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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