You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
