listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
