1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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