when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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