The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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