I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
