and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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