she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
