I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
