At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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