just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
