I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
