his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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