How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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