wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Bring me that man meat
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
