i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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