Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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