I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
