Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
