2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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