Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
