2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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