I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
