Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
that is very illegal...i love you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
