Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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