well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
