Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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