I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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