you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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