Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
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my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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