He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
