she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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