Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
