So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
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nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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