Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
