oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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