nut hugger
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
