i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
