This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
